I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
