Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
