Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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