It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.