I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
