The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
