saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
