Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
