i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
