Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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