I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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