Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My hand turned me down
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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