is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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