please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
