just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
