I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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