just tell him i said nine months
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
