i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
