She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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