Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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