so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
