Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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