This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I will be naked everywhere
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
