just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
