What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
