Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
