Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
