You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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