this boner is exhausting
She bit a glass in half.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Drunk is not a location!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
