I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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