I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize