I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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