So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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