Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
