Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize