he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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