I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
