I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
