Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
