Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
