Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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