i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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