D3 body, D1 cock
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
sarcasm needs its own font
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
