I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
