Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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