i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
