You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
