did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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