that's an acceptable place to lick
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
