I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
