I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She bit a glass in half.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
