i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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