After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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