the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
