Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have surprise drugs for everyone
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
