my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
