your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She is in my trunk
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
