I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
