i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
