Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
