Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
