At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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