how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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